You can finish this statement, can’t you?
I’d be willing to bet that regardless of why most of our answers are probably the same, they’re all going to be the same for the most part.
You either know a “nice guy”, you are the nice guy, or you’ve heard countless stories about these so-called “good dudes”, who keep falling short of finishing in first place.
Why the fuck does this shot happen though? It’s confusing as hell, right?
I can’t speak for all the other fellas out there, but I know for me personally, I grew up hearing about how “men ain’t shit”, and watching all the masculine influencers in my life constantly getting “in trouble” by the women in theirs. Or pissing other people off, by unapologetically speaking their minds, and being THEM!
So, being the logical person that I sometimes claim to be (usually as a coping mechanism to avoid the risk of rejection by inserting my emotions into any situation), I figured that I’d better be on my best behavior in this world, because I do NOT want to be “in trouble” all the time like they were. It made sense to me, that as long as I mask up, and pretend I ain’t shit like them, then I would get by just fine in life.
Even if I believed deep down, that a situation required confrontation that I was more than capable of handling, I opted for suppression of any rebuttals, in exchange for “peace”.
Hell, growing up, there were PLENTY of people who deserved a few ass kickin’s from me but got off the hook because I didn’t want the lingering effects of potential future confrontations with them. Granted, this was also a survival instinct growing up where I did (because I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people get their ass whooped, and then come back with guns blazing, because their ego took such a beating), but nevertheless, there are still a few folks out there who got away lol
I went out of my way to stay out the way so much, that I often found myself NOWHERE!
I’m not advocating that “nice guys” just completely flip the script, and go from the nice Denzel as Dudley, in The Preachers Wife, to blowing your enemies' brains out in broad daylight like he did as Frank Lucas in American Gangster.
I know a lot of us who act like Dudley every day, but want to be Frank Lucas as soon as we get mad. That’s not plausible though.
We need a balance...
More like Denzel as Malcolm. Polished, yet rough around the edges. Noble, yet militant and firm when necessary. Passionate, yet stoic. Knowing when to fall back, but also when to apply pressure. There was a sense of pride in being “for the people”, but there was just as much pride in being the authentic version of himself for the people, for better or worse.
That good guy paradigm works in our fantasy minds, but in real life, it definitely puts us, the REAL us, in dead last. The nice facade version of us might not always finish last, but the REAL us, who we hide in favor of highlighting the nice guy in us, DEFINITELY is somewhere sitting on the bench, watching real-life from the sidelines.
Is being a nice guy for the sake of approval, and conformity really worth the feeling of emptiness that our inner true self suffers from?
Does it make more sense to show up as our true self, who is guaranteed to be rejected, but just as much guaranteed to get what we want and need?
Hey, “nice guy”!!!
Draw your line in the sand, and stand for who you REALLY are. Not who you THINK they want us to be.